White coat. Heels.
youre lurking in front of me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
