I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize