So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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