Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
