Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
