youre lurking in front of me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
