You made me cry and you don't even care
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
