On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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