Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
