it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
