Yo dont text me then not text me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
