I want to make a zoo with you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize