we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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