Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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