Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
