I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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