no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
