I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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