he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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