So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
