I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
