I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i out mim tonsoeep
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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