he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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