The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
