Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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