No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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