She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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