My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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