...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
