when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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