Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
