my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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