I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
