I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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