they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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