eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
