there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
