Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
