planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
