Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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