i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
