hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
