Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
