May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
