im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
