I'm so fucking centered right now
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
