I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
