Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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