You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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