A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
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I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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