I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
