Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize