he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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