This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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