He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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