I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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