So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
