How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
