ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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