dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
