Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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