I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
