So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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