my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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