DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
