Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i think i have two assholes
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
