Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
