So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
