so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
