It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
