Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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