Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
