A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
