I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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