This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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