guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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