those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Too much gin, very little bucket
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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