Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral

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(209): View more from California

I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.

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(916): View more from California

He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.

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(806): View more from Texas

All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"

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(812): View more from Indiana

I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.

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(404): View more from Georgia

When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.

(805): View more from California

Thats what I'm talking about

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