how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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