your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
