It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
