found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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