I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
