Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
