She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
